the "Double Greeting"

One of my jobs as the Youth Pastor here is to do the announcements for a few services each weekend. I usually like it, although there are times where I get very little energy returned my way. I'll walk up on stage with a huge smile and a fun personality basically saying "hey, I just had four Mountain Dews and six doughnuts. Let's praise the heck outta this service!" And when I say "good morning" all I get back is one person saying "Hi Doug!" (the person that does respond like that is usually my friend that knows how horrible it makes me feel when no one responds, so they're really only doing it for my sake, not even to participate, so even that is tainted). So the temptation for me is to give the Double Greeting which goes something like this.

Me:
"Good morning!"

Crowd:
"Good morning."

Me:
(Sensing that the crowd's volume or enthusiasm did not meet my expectation, I decide to shame everyone into a more adequate response.)
"I said 'Good Morning!'"

Crowd:
(A little embarrassed or annoyed that their good morning failed to meet some unspoken expectation, the crowd raises their voice and repeats.)
"Good Morning!"

Me:
(Assessing the new "good morning" and finding it satisfactory, I release the crowd from this circular greeting torture and grade the response.)
"That's more like it."

I don't know when exactly it clicked but I finally realized this is a ridiculous practice and have sense vowed to never (intentionally) do it again. But, like most things I decide is a pivotal issue, no one else will take it seriously (like carrying around an old milk-jug filled with water). Then once I'm sensitive to the issue, I'll notice EVERYONE else does it. So here are the questions that I have:

1. Is the desired response based on volume or percentage of participation? If that one seventh grader that loves any opportunity to yell during church, screams "GOOD MORNING!" does that work? Or do we need to have 51% of the congregation move their mouths at the appropriate time?

2. Is it OK when the person administering the Double Greeting blames it on Jesus? "Whoa, let's try that again...That's better, that's the greeting Jesus deserves." Is Jesus OK with that? Is he pro-Double Greeting or anti-Double Greeting? Does he high-five Enoch each time someone does it, or does he feel like he just got thrown under the bus? Is he saying "Whoa...What!? I never asked for that Double Greeting!"

3. What is the record for longest Double Greeting? If, theoretically, a pastor had ridiculous standards and the congregation had very little motivation to participate couldn't a Double Greeting turn into a Forever Greeting?

So, even though I've taken a vow of singularity, I may find myself delivering the announcements and accidentally let a Double slip out. If this happens I'm asking all of you reading to hold me accountable by coming on stage and grabbing one of the Chuck Taylors, I will undoubtedly be wearing, off my foot then return to your seat. It will be annoying to do the announcements with only one shoe on but it's the only way I'll learn.
PEACE
Doug

posted by Doug at 4:23 PM